if i had an eternity
i wouldn't apologize for the things i said
but things i didn't say
because silence kills more than words

and isn't it funny
how jesus is in our hearts
but god can't stop the suffering

every atheist
has been an agnostic
and i am on my knees asking
for god to take me
instead of that seven year old boy

but god takes him instead of me
and the last thing he said to me was
"i want to be an astronaut"

and i suppose
none of it really matters
because the seven year old me
wanted to be a veterinarian

but the seventeen year old me
just wanted to make it through the day

i'm wondering
if the seven year old inside of me
is still alive

or maybe god had taken her too

someone once told me
that there's a kid inside all of us

i think
mine is trapped in my rib cage
my bones are the cell
and my veins are the noose
that threatens to take her life
if she acts up

and maybe
i am the warden
of this prison

the cigarettes and the blades
are what's keeping me in power

i want to throw them out
if not for me but for her

every agnostic
has been an atheist
and i am lying in my bed telling
the seven year old girl inside of me
that she can come out now