Mar 2014
To be in your arms again would be the most satisfying mistake
the sweetest of all sins
And my chest fatigues at wanting the things I cannot have like crazy
Nowadays you look at me sparingly and with an exasperating fury I know must wear you out too
And I have heard nothing but barely there questions and cut throat silence from you
I am starting to believe that you really don't care anymore and I'm wondering, does that scare you as much as it scares me? Because I am shaking in my skin, in my bones, when you shoulder blades tense up at the mere fact of my existence.
Thinking of your gentle smile, of your chocolate eyes is the **** most poetic way I've known regret and self loathing. I remember how you and I used to melt into each other but nowadays it seems like you want me to melt into the cracks in the side walks, it seems like you want me to just simply dissolve into the pavement.
to disappear.
You shake your head every time I dare open this mouth you once kissed and I know **** well that I'm still pretty funny. So If my humor hasn't changed, maybe your taste in opinions has.
And I don't really know what that means yet.
To be on your lips would be the most enjoyable movement of my downfall
And you have established of being text book definition bad for me.
You could set fire to all the poetry I wrote of you with the remnants of your burning tongue.
We have already ran circles around our new routines, you sit on the opposite side of the room farthest from the aura of my perfume and I laugh almost every time desperately trying to numb the short tempered tightness in my chest that is too stubborn to ******* leave already. You hand her your jacket and I close my eyes, humming my new favorite songs, you hand her a whiteboard and I pretend I didn't just see that smile, I know that smile, I was that smile. I close my eyes and hum a different song.
I'm starting to believe that you really don't care anymore, and the sad part is that if I really want to move on I have accept that you aren't gonna say any kind words to me from now on. You see after the apologizing, after the anger works its way through you, and you get real tired of fighting, all you have left is sadness and burnt up words. And I've never thought of that as any version of beautiful so anything I say just sounds repetitive.
I'm starting to believe that your never gonna care again, and that your gonna keep hating me from an uncomfortably safe distance, and I keep wondering If that scares you as much as it scares me.
I am not impervious to your words and I hear them from everyone you've demonized me to,
and they **burn.
the sweetest of all sins
And my chest fatigues at wanting the things I cannot have like crazy
Nowadays you look at me sparingly and with an exasperating fury I know must wear you out too
And I have heard nothing but barely there questions and cut throat silence from you
I am starting to believe that you really don't care anymore and I'm wondering, does that scare you as much as it scares me? Because I am shaking in my skin, in my bones, when you shoulder blades tense up at the mere fact of my existence.
Thinking of your gentle smile, of your chocolate eyes is the **** most poetic way I've known regret and self loathing. I remember how you and I used to melt into each other but nowadays it seems like you want me to melt into the cracks in the side walks, it seems like you want me to just simply dissolve into the pavement.
to disappear.
You shake your head every time I dare open this mouth you once kissed and I know **** well that I'm still pretty funny. So If my humor hasn't changed, maybe your taste in opinions has.
And I don't really know what that means yet.
To be on your lips would be the most enjoyable movement of my downfall
And you have established of being text book definition bad for me.
You could set fire to all the poetry I wrote of you with the remnants of your burning tongue.
We have already ran circles around our new routines, you sit on the opposite side of the room farthest from the aura of my perfume and I laugh almost every time desperately trying to numb the short tempered tightness in my chest that is too stubborn to ******* leave already. You hand her your jacket and I close my eyes, humming my new favorite songs, you hand her a whiteboard and I pretend I didn't just see that smile, I know that smile, I was that smile. I close my eyes and hum a different song.
I'm starting to believe that you really don't care anymore, and the sad part is that if I really want to move on I have accept that you aren't gonna say any kind words to me from now on. You see after the apologizing, after the anger works its way through you, and you get real tired of fighting, all you have left is sadness and burnt up words. And I've never thought of that as any version of beautiful so anything I say just sounds repetitive.
I'm starting to believe that your never gonna care again, and that your gonna keep hating me from an uncomfortably safe distance, and I keep wondering If that scares you as much as it scares me.
I am not impervious to your words and I hear them from everyone you've demonized me to,
and they **burn.
These thoughts have worked their way into my dreams again and I keep wondering if he even cares enough to know that I hurt too, if that even matters, if any of this even counts.
