I. You bought me flowers. Five months, four moments of fire, three conversations about “the ones that got away”, two hands tracing the inside of each other’s palms, and one disappointing thought later, Here we are. I almost want to say you should have known better. But how could you have known?
II. When I was six my sister painted makeup on my face and told me I looked like a grown- up. Miniature mountains of mascara covered my lashes while the colors of a bouquet like the one sitting on my cluttered desk, rested on my eyelids. My eye was so itchy but six year old me refused to scratch because I didn’t want the illusion to smudge. I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her masterpiece.
III. I have this nightmare. I stand in a room full of mirrors but my eyes are shut. I try to decode the map in my mind of where to go from here. How to go from point A to point C without seeing B. Because B will be in pain. And he won’t understand why he was overlooked when all signs pointed towards having someone pass though or having someone stay a while. I think of you. How any apology any “No, you really shouldn’t have” won’t be good enough. I am rendered speechless by carnations by daisies by baby’s breath.