I need to love I need to love I need to love
my heart is too big and it doesn't stop growing
and my frantic mind is never slowing
I need to let it go, I need to kiss boys
and kiss girls and kiss people I know,
and strangers with smoky breath
and hazy eyes that won't remember
the way my organs go fizzy and weak
when I feel them breathing, onto my neck
and near my ribcage, my ribcage
too close to my heart, too close too close too close
I need to develop child like emotions
lustful moods swinging between one person
to another person - I need to let go of what's in my heart
this is the only way I know how and it's killing me
I need love I need real love
I need fake love I need assurance
I need feelings that demolish my heart
send it plummeting to dust and ashes
and then the love will disperse and my heart
will be crushed and it will be the end
and then a new night will come with
new boys and new girls and new love
and it will build itself back up but stronger
and the muscle in my chest will release itself
the chains will break the ropes will untie
it is ready to love but I am not
and I will feel again
I will feel too much
I will feel things I don't understand
I will feel in ways I know far too well
and my mind will no longer function
in the correct way, it will not work
my brain will be submissive to my heart
I am scared of feeling again