I remember the doctors telling me
told me the pain would come in bouts
well that was the understatement of the year
it gets so bad sometimes I wish I was dead
I have morbid thoughts of hanging myself
or even throwing myself under a train

I have many times when the pain is that intense
I will grab a pillow making my knuckles turn white
then I scream into it and as I pull it away from my face
all I see are speckles of blood, it's rather distressing
all I have now are my commissioned writes
which keep me in breadcrumbs and shirt buttons

By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris