My niece turned 7 today.
I look at her pictures, and she is a beautiful
Little girl,
A child,
Just a kid.
She is innocent, pure, and beaming with light
Glowing with a future of brightness.
And see I look at this picture
Of 7 year old me
And I am corrupt-
Grown up, wasted,
Not a kid anymore.
My innocence was taken from me
And my future was only ever darkness.
See cause I just can't picture my sweet little niece
As not a ******,
I can't imagine her naked child body as anything
But sacred and untouched.
But I remember praying to God
That I wouldn't burn in hell
Cause I was the only little girl in Sunday school
That Jesus didn't want for a sunbeam.
And I remember my naked child body
Raw, and pulsing with pain,
Aching with what I couldn't understand.
I can't imagine her smiling baby teeth
Open up and swallow poison
As a 5 year old suicide attempt
Like I did at that age.
Sometimes the flashbacks sneak out my tearducts
And roll down my face,
And I feel like I'm 7 again.
But I just can't imagine her feeling that way.
And I just want her to be my baby niece forever,
Even though I know I can't protect her.
She wrote a love note to a boy in class
That read, "Do you want to kiss me?
Circle yes or no."
Her mom thought it was cute.
But all I could think of
Was my first French kiss;
Slimy, sloppy kid tongues-
And I just have to stop right there.
I always wished she'd stay 6 forever,
So she never has to grow up like I did.
Cause 7-year-olds should be children,
Not ******.
Not like me.
I can't imagine hickeys on her neck,
Bruises on her thighs,
Or cuts on her wrists.
When I picture her as a young woman
I don't see scars-
But the same bright future,
The same radiant smile (only with big-girl teeth.)
When I picture her as my age,
I hope the skeletons in her closet
Are sneaking out at night and lying in the morning.
I hope she has the innocent kind of fun.
And if anyone tries to take herself from her-
I will *******
****** them.