I am not ready for commitment, or to know
that I am loved, loved in a way
that will lead to spilling of brains
and hearts out of ribcages
opened weak, vulnerable
resulting in hurt and tears

I am not enough at peace with my heart
nor my ability to trust and open up
to have such a permanent placement in my life
I want red lipstick smeared on wine glasses
filled with ***** and whiskey
late nights in warm rooms, too warm
with something funny to smoke
to feel slightly relieved when the boy I kissed
for 3 hours last night, knew I meant nothing to him
as he meant nothing to me
I am not prepared to part
with the "one night only" lovers
and the fun that comes
with being young

to be free, to stay free
a soul that is not ready to be locked away
in exchange of an open cage
for a brittle heart that cracks
under the slightest pressure