Feb 2014
I'm dying to bleed.
Bleeding to die.
I can't decide.
The uncertainty itself is killing me.
Standing at a crossroads and each sign screams WRONG WAY.
Every step I take I hear TURN AROUND.
It's wrong.
It's all wrong.
I'm all wrong.
What's right anymore?
I'm so far from right what's even left of me anymore?
Nothing.
Nothing remains but a certain instability.
An inevitable self destruction.
I feel like I'm on death row.
I know it's going to happen I just don't know when.
WHEN?
When will I have the strength?
Will I ever have the strength?
Will I ever have anything?
Be anything?
Know anything?
Will anybody ever know me?
Will I ever even know myself?
I need a map.
I don't know where to go.
But what is a map without directions?
And what am I without a destination?
The clock is ticking.
Time never stops.
Not for anyone.
3am and I should be closer to clarity but I'm not.
I never have been.
Nothing good ever happens after 2am.
Well nothing good ever happens before.
Guide me.
Somebody guide me.
It's like each cry for help isn't loud enough but I'm too weak.
Much too weak.
Listen harder.
Move closer.
Open your eyes.
Maybe not.
I wish I could close mine to everything I've seen.
To everything my heart has ever felt.
I don't want you to see this
To feel it.
Maybe I have to so you don't.
Maybe.
Jesus.
Maybe.
Nothing is ever certain is it?
Or is it?
I'm never certain of anything.
Except one thing.
I don't belong here.
I never did.
What is my purpose?
Do I have one?
When will I know?
How long must I wait?
My patience wears thin when I am left here to test it
I struggle.
I'm struggling.
Gasping for air.
Suffocating.
Save me.
Save.
Me.
Don't save me.
I don't want to be saved.
Do I?
I get so close and I run in fear.
But when I'm not running I live in fear.
And which is worse?
They could both be over so quickly if I found an ounce of strength.
Just a little more.
But from where?
This is all that remains of me.
Questions within a damaged shell that barely shields a wounded soul and a broken heart.
What use is it?
What use am I?
What use is life when we were all born to die?
Bleeding to die.
I can't decide.
The uncertainty itself is killing me.
Standing at a crossroads and each sign screams WRONG WAY.
Every step I take I hear TURN AROUND.
It's wrong.
It's all wrong.
I'm all wrong.
What's right anymore?
I'm so far from right what's even left of me anymore?
Nothing.
Nothing remains but a certain instability.
An inevitable self destruction.
I feel like I'm on death row.
I know it's going to happen I just don't know when.
WHEN?
When will I have the strength?
Will I ever have the strength?
Will I ever have anything?
Be anything?
Know anything?
Will anybody ever know me?
Will I ever even know myself?
I need a map.
I don't know where to go.
But what is a map without directions?
And what am I without a destination?
The clock is ticking.
Time never stops.
Not for anyone.
3am and I should be closer to clarity but I'm not.
I never have been.
Nothing good ever happens after 2am.
Well nothing good ever happens before.
Guide me.
Somebody guide me.
It's like each cry for help isn't loud enough but I'm too weak.
Much too weak.
Listen harder.
Move closer.
Open your eyes.
Maybe not.
I wish I could close mine to everything I've seen.
To everything my heart has ever felt.
I don't want you to see this
To feel it.
Maybe I have to so you don't.
Maybe.
Jesus.
Maybe.
Nothing is ever certain is it?
Or is it?
I'm never certain of anything.
Except one thing.
I don't belong here.
I never did.
What is my purpose?
Do I have one?
When will I know?
How long must I wait?
My patience wears thin when I am left here to test it
I struggle.
I'm struggling.
Gasping for air.
Suffocating.
Save me.
Save.
Me.
Don't save me.
I don't want to be saved.
Do I?
I get so close and I run in fear.
But when I'm not running I live in fear.
And which is worse?
They could both be over so quickly if I found an ounce of strength.
Just a little more.
But from where?
This is all that remains of me.
Questions within a damaged shell that barely shields a wounded soul and a broken heart.
What use is it?
What use am I?
What use is life when we were all born to die?
