bend your fingers back
enough so the knuckle turns white
a pinch of pain
enough to let you know it's real
look at yourself in a mirror
and stare
for hours
analyzing
tearing apart the image you see
put the pieces in any other pattern
listen to the voices telling you
you're wrong
you're worthless
you won't amount to anything
let them overcome you

i am no martyr
i seek no knight in armor
i torment myself
to reassure myself
that i am not myself