.....doing things i shouldnt waiting for the pain to go away or disperse
and im sorry for the tears on the page and everything else because
im such a ******* mistake like a mark a pencil couldnt quite erase like
i should be gone.
but i'll be gone soon dont worry
and its my only lullaby to myself as i lie awake at one, two, three thirty
in the morning trying to rock myself to sleep because only my thoughts
know who i am and i dont like it
and my brother will burst in time to time
and ask 'whats wrong with you' because my backs turned and theres a puddle on the ground
and
im always hoping right before i drift off that maybe, just maybe, i wont awake
maybe then i won't keep being such a mistake