I'm the type of guy

who pees sitting down
when I'm a guest of
somebody's house

because

i may be a
drunkard but
it's not hard
to care about decency

I don't want to ***
all over the seat,
it happens all the time
when I'm this far gone

so I shamelessly
get comfortable
and relief soon
enough sweeps

also:
I automatically leave
the seat down, you see

that makes me
some kind
of a
gentleman, right?