today my best friend,
who lives 2,000 miles
away (on the other side
of the country to be exact)
messaged me at 2 am
telling me that she was
really really sad and that
no one was up. later when i
woke up i wrote back asking
what was wrong

she told me she drank antifreeze
and that she messaged her old friend
who ****** her over last year
and that all he did was tell her to
call an ambulance and then blocked her
and wrote a post about how he couldn't
sleep, when the girl who used to love him
was intoxicated and vomiting and sad and
dying. and she just kept laughing, like it was
the funniest thing she'd ever heard

and i couldn't stop telling her "i'm sorry"
i'm sorry i didn't have my phone
i'm sorry i was asleep
i'm sorry you live so far
i'm sorry you're unhappy
i'm sorry i can't do anything
i'm sorry i'm being selfish
i'm sorry i'm making you live
when it's the last thing you want
to do.

and she just kept telling me
it's okay, it's okay, it's okay
i'm okay, it's fine, i'll be good
and i didn't have the heart to
tell her that i knew she was
lying.

i'm sorry i love you too much to let you go.