You are my reason to be
You are the most important thing to me
So why do I treat you so bad sometimes?
Why don't I cheer you up instead of make you cry?
I yell and scream at little things that torment me
I take it out on you instead of just letting it be
I lose my patience and temper too
I don't know how I could ever do that to you
I don't know how to forgive myself for all the pain I've caused
I just can't seem to rid myself of these flaws
You just love me
Why is that so hard for me to see?
How can I let my anger take such a firm hold
It's like in my own life I have no control
I curse and swear, I scream your name
When you are not the one to blame
I hate myself for being so mean
I just want to wake up from this awful dream
I  just want to show you affection and love
But it's from the depths of my own conviction that I can't rise above
I didn't expect things to be this way
I never wanted this for you
I never meant to hurt you like I do
I'm so sorry from the bottom of my heart
I can't believe I'm letting myself fall so apart
I don't know if i can forgive myself this time
What I've done is such a crime
I'm stealing your innocence day by day
And it's not time for that to go away
I feel so ashamed
And only I am to blame
You are mine and I'm suppose to protect you and show you the way
I'm suppose to build you up everyday
And all I do is make you pay
You didn't ask for this
None of it is your fault
I'm not the person I should be
And it's breaking my heart
I need help playing this hand that I've been dealt
I need to let go of all the hurt I've felt
I gotta let go of all this guilt
I gotta wake up and see the light
You are a gift that I don't deserve
But I don't treat you that way, man I got some nerve!
What is wrong with me?!
Alive is something I don't deserve to be
But I am so therefore I must get some help
and learn how to cope with everything that's tearing me apart
I gotta hold the fibers of all my being together for you and me
I gotta let this bitterness go that's dwelling within me
It's time for me to do what I gotta do
It's time for me to step up and do what is best for you!
© Ashley Rodden. All rights reserved