I can't think straight right now
And I feel like I will stop breathing any minute
My head is trying comprehend why things happen to me
But I can't because my mind is going so fast right now
I can feel myself as an entity, but not as a person.
I feel like I'm here but not here and that I theoretically exhist but not as a soul.
My lungs don't want to work but in forcing them to work.
I can't handle the shrieking yells of my mom about no food left and dad threatening us all.
6 of us is alot of threatening
I really hurts to cry but I can't keep it all inside anymore
No ideas left of how to deal with anything
I can't cry because if I see myself cry I'll think of it as a sign of weakness. I can't hold anything back anymore because its so strong that I'll just crumble.
My legs are lead now because of so many things and so many thoughts are holding me down.
My heart can't function since its been ripped apart for so long .
I think I am  in shock but nothing happened but the expected.
People telling me stuff that I can't hear anymore.
I'm pathetic.
I need to lose weight.
I am a *******.
I will never be any smarter.
I can't do any thing properly.
I thought of cutting myself.
But then, it's only an act towards myself and only I would see it.
I thought of killing myself, but then that would be too quick and people wouldn't know how I suffer in silence and in agony.
Something more drastic. Drugs, no. Can't get any in my town. *****, doesn't sound that appealing. I need something to help other people see how I am degrading in my life. Maybe an eating disorder. I could disappear before all their eyes, and it would be painful and long. Yes
To me that's the perfect revenge.