Today, I let it all out.

I've ignored the situation and pushed it to the back of my mind
the way the snow plows push the snow to the side of the street.
But for some reason today I just couldn't activate the plow in my mind
that let's me forget about everything and concentrate on the moment.

I started to reminisce and with that came intoxication. I became intoxicated
by the past memories of every time you looked at me, smiled at me,
talked to me, stared at me. I was so foolish, under a rock of such false hope
that I couldn't see the signs clearly directed towards my blind eyes.

But now I can; it all didn't matter, and I don't matter. I highly
doubt you take time out of your day to allot to thinking of me
even in the slightest sense -- it's easy to fill your mind with school
and other occupants that seem to fill whatever section of your
heart could potentially be left for me. Maybe it's only convenient
for you to acknowledge me when you want to be kind or when you
just want a self esteem booster. Funny, how with one single phrase someone's
self esteem is raised while the other person's is crushed under the weight it took
in order to get those words out just to be greeted with another disappointment.

And so now I spent a while just listening to sad songs and letting out all
the tears I promised myself would never leave my eye for you in realizing
whatever I thought we had was never true.

I can't sleep because you're the first image that flashes in my head
but I can't stay awake because all I  do is think about you and how
much I want to talk with you and how I can't because then I'll know
a friend is all I'll ever be but all I just want you to do is see the real
me.