I couldn't seem to see your face last night
in my dream.
Only the right side.
And when I tried searching for it
all I could find was
the reflection of my mothers smile.
The one she gives to all of her party guests.

I knew
you were gone.
But for a second there, I
didn't believe God
had taken you.

Now that I'm awake
all I want to do is cry.
I know I'm supposed to be strong but
I miss you,
all the time.

Your face keeps emerging
on strangers bodies.
I
wish you would stop playing tricks
on my mind
because the reminder
hurts.

It hurts not only me
but the people I love.
I can't seem to control
what comes out of my mouth when
you're near.

I wish
I could run
to the safety of your home
and
tell you all about how horrible being nineteen
really is.
I wish you would
wake chlo and I up
in the early morning to see if
we would join you on a run,
only to be let down
by the groans of
the language of sleep.
I wish I told you that
you mean the world to me,
and
you were more of a mother
than my own will ever be.

I'm scared that I'm forgetting.
I know it's not healthy to
live in the past
but I can't help
having the urge  
to make you proud
of the person I'm becoming.

The one who leaves flowers
by the accident, and
who can't seem to
forgive that man for
swerving off the road
when,
I know I should.