I know this might hurt your feelings
I know I'm the only hope to save this family
My success is just the beginning
Yet I can't hold every responsibility
I have feelings too
None of which are good
I've contemplated suicide
I've even attempted
Yet here I am
Writing you again
This time publically
To hope that you can understand
I hate this life
I hate being me
I hate being the only one of four
To actually see the 12th grade
To actually have colleges chanting my name
Because they know I'll be in a dorm sooner or later
Grandma I wish you could see the man
All my darkest dreams and thoughts have made me
I'm partially human
Yet I still wake up every morning
Plaster on a smile
And say I love you
Even if it is in a text
You're all I have left in this god forsaken world
Well unless you want to include Natalie
I haven't talked to her in a while
But I hope she's doing well
Grandma when do I get to say I'm home
You were always the one to give me advice
Help me now
I'm lost and only going down
I want something poetry can give me
A sense of freedom
I know I'll be 18 in February
But I'll just want my youth back
I'll want the world I once knew back in my reach
I want the *** the drugs the alcohol
The constant screams I'd wake up to
Even if they were my own
I want all the faces of every girl I've been with
Screaming at me how much they hate me
I want their hands around my throat
In and out of reality
Grandma I hope you can understand I'm no longer
Just the successful one
I'm the one that wants what nobody understands
Because they all want to embrace my success
As if it were their own
                                       Sincerely,
                                           Your Grandson,
                                               Robert L. Guerrero