I'm going to take myself to dinner
Guess you could say a date
I'll make sure to bring myself home early
I know how I hate to stay out late

I'll order off a fancy French menu
Just to try and impress myself
Cause when it is that I go out
I treat myself like no one else

I'll carry on  a great conversation
But of course underneath my breath
I don't want those at the next table
To think I'm talking to myself

I might even order off the desert menu
Though I know I'm trying to watch my weight
I'll ask for one spoon instead of two
Don't want to get too weird on this date

When the bill does come around
I won't hesitate to pick it up
And I won't rudely gasp and comment
That I think I ordered the expensive grub

I'll drive straight back to the house
Then tell myself goodnight
Saying I had the best of times
Then go inside and shut the lights