sometimes, i stand back. and i look at myself as a stranger might see me. and i am forced to realize that maybe i do a little too much.
i take on the problems of everyone around me. i face their demons as if they were my own. i make myself responsible for all those who i love.
it's kind of funny in retrospect. i work so hard to keep everyone alive, yet i have so little regard for my own life.
like if i disappeared, what would it really matter? but in truth, if i was gone, who would take over my role in so many lives?
i cannot ignore pain as most can. i cannot see you hurt and just walk away, i am compassionate and i am selfless.
and i believe that it may be killing me. because not only do i feel my own depression, i feel the depression of fifteen of my closest friends.
i drown over and over and over again. today i was okay, every tragedy of everyone i love at bay. but then it struck again. at the person i value above the rest.
i feel the need to save everyone and anyone. and i can never and will never accept that i cannot do that. i will save them all, or die trying.
because i will face your demons, i will take responsibility for your life, and i will suffer right next to you.