I open my eyes, and just see nothing
did i think it would help if i took off my glasses, would it hurt less?
just to not be able to see clearly?
apparently,that isn't so.
the fact that i could not see anything certainly didn't distract me from reality....

it had no affect on my vacant pleasures
if anything, it just made it worse
because the fact that i couldn't see what was happening to me
did declare that it wasn't
i had no escape

how foolish was i to think that it would go away that simple
to think that if i had no visual proof of anything that everything from that point on would be absolutely painless
that my suffering would surely end?

Was i really that desperate to even try it?
i guess is was
but it did have the tiniest slither of comfort for everything to be just.......
a blur

The question is:
would i rather be in total agony than feel numb towards everything?
if was in my right mind, i'd instantly say yes
but these days, there are various times i think twice.