You ignored me all day
Which was reasonable, (what am I even saying)
Considering I'm nothing but
Awful.
Anyway it was your birthday
Why should it matter
Because I know I bother you

I just threw up, again
Its just
Because I'm so hurt
And it hurts so much
What you're doing, what you've done
I feel so worthless
I feel so dead

You were the love of my life
You still are...
Home is any place with you
And I can't have you
I feel lost
Like I'm not at home
When I'm not with you

I'm nervous, again
Its just
My heart, mind, and soul are so frail
I miss your heart
I miss your mind
I miss your soul and
Your soul, it really touched me; you became my soul mate...

And I'm not okay
I don't think I ever will be
Without you, you see...
This is not a game when I say
I can't get over you
I won't learn how
It's so horrible what you did to me, the way you ditched me...

Both good and bad,
I remember the last time we kissed,
I whispered,
"You have no idea what you do to me" because
You are both my highest highs
And my lowest lows
And I've never been lower in my life...

...than where I am now

And sometimes I plead to God
If he's real, to
"Take me home"...to "take me to heaven"...
But...but heaven is a place on Earth...
And home is when I shelter in you...
I...
I don't know what to say anymore...you gave me so much security...

...but you left me for dead
And now you're here, again, somewhat
But you put yourself exactly where you are...
Put yourself with her...
Somewhat as a safeguard...
So you wouldn't be tricked by my games...(this is not a game)
To come back, or as you put it, how you "just can't go back"

But
I...
I...
I've never been lower
I've never been lower than where I am now
God...
*I want to die...