it's always been a stupid dream, hasn't it?
i can't help but find myself thinking about that day, if i could've possibly changed anything.
who would i be on this day, if none of this ever happened?
would i know suffering, would i even have scars? or what if you two never separated, that our family remained pure and whole?
maybe things were meant to happen for a reason but, what was the reason?
everyday is a constant battle between my heart and my head and i can't seem to escape from the demons taking refugee inside of me.
i am constantly searching for the way out but always end up short as they grab me and hush my lips so i can't scream.
they whisper that i cannot leave, that i am nothing more than a mere palette waiting to shed red.
they create a giant void that can never be filled and they tear down the walls that i have sheltered myself in.
i scream but nothing seems to come out;
what is wrong with me? who am i really? everyone says it's only temporary, that i have to wait it out and it'll all be over soon.
it won't, will it? who will i turn into?
will i seek out the revenge i deserve to inflict on you for keeping me hostage here, or be compassionate and **** you with kindness?
stop searching hell for demons

they've been inside you all along.
a.c.