Sitting in our rental car, driving to the local lake to
Blow up fireworks.

Dad’s driving, sister and mom in the back.

Good vibes been all around, but
The Vapor's rising

Such pride had been growin in my heart
Wellin up like it hadn’t ever done

Amazing how simply taking something toxic away
Can make you appreciate the simple things so much more

A couple nights before, I saw him start slippin
No evidence needed, no smell and no sight

I can see it in his eyes, darting back and forth
Beedy, wide open eyes

He needed it

Gotta let your happiness swell up real big
For the pain to rush so hard

I thought this time was different
I had given up a couple times before
Didn’t ever want to feel this way again
To feel shame for that which I come from

I look at my hands
My face
My walk
My smile
My ****** hair
All of my **** hair

And I see him

We wave our hands like the worlds about to blow
And we need to tell the story right
Before it does

Sitting here at my grammas dining room table
The fireworks have long since blown
Getting ready to take the trip back home
From Texas to Cali

I can’t look at him
It hurts
Deep down in my belly
To hear him talk
and smile

I don’t even need to look
To know

The smile is false
And his eyes are beady

But back to the rental car
When I let it smack me in the belly

I had seen it coming
I knew it was rising

But it took the turn of his head
And that smell, and that smile

For me to let it in

The vapor rises out of that toxic pit he calls his belly
(been cultivating it for years he says)

They rise to dance as
twisted lies
from those large lips
That reddened face

I’ll be back at school soon
Leaving San Diego behind

I have to leave it rising
To choke and overwhelm my family

Feeling hopeless
And the vapor keeps rising