My phone rang,
and without a thought
or glance at the screen
I picked up with a
Yeah?
I know I said I'd never do this, but I wanna talk...
I straightened in my chair.
Of course, what's going on?
I let my out breath
that I had been holding in.
I'm thinking about it...I'm thinking about hurting myself
I took a few more chews of my gum.
You don't have to.
I know. That's why I'm calling.
I continue to subconsciously tap my pen on my notepad.
Do you remember what I told you when you first mentioned this to me?
He clears his throat and it rumbles through the phone.
No.
I told you that people care.
There's a pregnant pause.
Do they really though?
Yes, depending on who you're thinking of.
He stays silent.
What are you doing?
I try to calm him down.
Talking to you.
Thanks Captain Obvious.
He laughs.
You're welcome Sergeant Sarcasm.
A laugh escapes my mouth.
Can I ask you a question?
What?
Why? Why do you want to?
He's silent and I can see him staring off, searching for the answer himself.
Because I'm not good enough.
Of course you are, babe.
He pauses.
Did you just call me babe?
I gnaw on the inside of my cheek.
I did....Can I ask you another question?
Without a response, I ask anyway.
What do you want?
I capture my top lip between my teeth and tongue, pinching it in.
The truth?
The truth.
I honestly don't know.
A small smile turns the corners of my lips up.
You have plenty of time to figure it out.
True.
Why did you decide to call me?
I want to hear his answer.
You know, I said that I'd never call you, especially for this.
I was afraid I'd scare you.
And I don't want to scare you.
Not much scares me. I just worry.
Well, scaring or worrying, I don't want to bother you
with my problems.
I just felt I should. See how I'd feel.
You can always come to me, you should know this by now. And how do you feel?
Like we're kids again. I miss being innocent.
Me too, but there's nothing we can do to change it.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Anytime. I'm always here.
He tells me goodnight and hangs up.
I hope that I made him change his mind.
I hope he feels comfortable enough to call me
whenever he needs me.
Because he's there,
when I need him.
He just seems
to forget,
that I've
always been here
to do the same.