you want me to write poetry that doesn't twist a heart
to write poems of love and the beauty that exists within it
you want me to write like I used to and explore the depth of love I feel
to write poems about how beautiful it is to fall in love and to lose oneself
you want me to write and write and never stop writing because it is my savior
to write the poems you so love to read and the ones that made you feel so special
you want me to keep smiling and loving and being happy
to write poems of my joy and happiness and the life that makes me feel so alive
you want me to be a person I no longer feel I can be and who is sad more than happy
to write poems that are joyful and graced and not laced with deceit and rejection
you want me to not feel sorry for the awful guilt I bestow on you for not feeling this way
to write poems of only the amazing bliss that true love graces us with
you want me to be me and yet being me means I love you and to love you is pain
to write poems which don't contain the pain my heart feels and will never heal
you want me to carry on regardless not holding back moving forward loved
to write poems of a new love of one I may have met or may not have met
you want me to let go when all I do is cry
to write poems that are cathartic
you want me to not hurt
but can you not see
all this does
is hurt me

and what hurts me more is that you want me to write poems
that don't contain hurt and pain because
love is beautiful
and I agree
it truly is

but this is pain
and it hurts me more
knowing you don't
ever
want me to hurt
not ever.

I am simply
stuck
         in
             love
with you.


© Sia Jane