September 25th 2012 I was in your bathtub and we were laughing about the fact that we were so close awkward moments didn't exist. I put bubbles on your thigh and you made that squeaky noise I wasn't supposed to tell anyone you could make, it wasn't manly. October 1st 2012 I was driving on highway 80 and I couldn't really see because the windshield wipers didn't work on water inside of the car. You couldn't tell me what you wanted and I knew that meant it wasn't me you just didn't fully know it yet. October 2nd 2012 You tried to do it with 180 characters but I wasn't having that and when you called your voice broke before you could say my name. The number of times you said I love you in those twenty minutes outnumbered how many times you had in the past two weeks, by tens. November 10th 2012 I cried in your sisters arms because yours weren't there and she smelled like your fabric softener. November 25th 2012 I packaged all your letters in a box with a few of my own and mailed them back. You called me to ask why I would do that to you. I asked you why it mattered and you told me you slept with the blanket we made love on every night. I didn't know why that mattered either. December 27th 2012 I laid in someone else's arms and they held me while I cried about whether anyone else's arms felt like home. He didn't deserve it, neither did I. This is my apology for trying to move on and bringing him into it. January 11th 2013 You saw me for the first time and even though you hate tattoos you told me mine was ****. You were drunk and you thought my shirt needed a few more buttons, you didn't like anyone else to see me when you couldn't. You told me not to tell you I wasn't in love with you anymore. I told you that was what you had wanted. February 13th 2013 He had cancer and you were the only person I knew how to tell. But you were busy and you said if I was going to pull that **** to take it somewhere else. I learned who you were that night even though you'd always told me. March 2nd 2013 It wasn't a special day, nothing happened. But I realized I had stopped letting it be about you. I stopped thanking you for letting me go and just let go.