I have been told since I
learned to read
that holding someone close
says I love you with my
heart inside my body inside my head.

she said "fall in love with someone
who's comfortable with your silence."
and still,
          I only find you in the dark
           crushing my toe on your frame
           the scratched black nail in the morning
           shines like the love I gave was too
                     loud and bright, so blinding

that you sank behind the sun
as I played "She loves me,
She loves me Gordian not"
with the sword rays.
splayed across my tongue.

the razor-blade foreplay
was violent enough to carnage
your room to a crime scene wrapped
yellow tape package CAUTION
you yelled with the nothing CAUTION
do not cross do not cross do not cross
                 you fake messiah
                 you save yourself savior complex
                 of a narcissist, drowned in his own pool
                              of backlogged traffic jam verbage
living with a rearview mirror in every room
especially our bed.

           I find myself
with arms wrapped too tight
around a precious thing,
screaming until the spit sling blade
found every secret place inside your ear
and carved it to echo the only word
                 I have ever really known

ME
ME
ME
ME
ME
ME
MYSELF AND EVERYTHING INSIDE ME

living with a rearview mirror in every room
especially the ones you're in.
especially when you are too quiet
to be anything but a noisemaker
in my cavern of a head
filled with my own claps
singing my own song
playing by my own rules
until everything I knew of you was
dust and shivers in the mist.