I ache for you
in the quiet moments no one sees,
in the silence beside me,
in the empty spaces
where you should be.
You are a love
I’ve never held, yet cannot let go
a dream I rebuild again and again,
a name I whisper to the dark,
a promise my heart refuses to give up.
Every month I meet you
in hope, in longing, in fragile belief
and every month I lose you
to a silence that feels like grief,
caught between hope and heartache.
My body feels like a question
I don’t know how to answer,
a home that hasn’t held you yet,
though it was always meant to
yet somehow, cannot.
Still… I pray for you.
Though I don’t know where you are
in the dark, in the quiet, in the in-between
I wonder if somehow you hear me,
if somehow you already know me.
I imagine you
in the life I keep reaching for,
in lullabies left unsung,
in dreams that break
before morning comes.
I long for
the weight of you in my arms,
your cheek resting on my chest,
your soft breath against my skin
a moment I may never live.
This tender love with nowhere to go,
this mother with no child to hold,
this forever missing piece of my soul.
And even now,
after a decade has come and gone,
through every tear,
through every year,
through every why,
I hold on.
Because somewhere inside me,
hope still breathes your name
and tells me to wait patiently.
And if, by chance, one day
you find your way into the world
through miracle,
through timing,
through grace.
you will never have to wonder why.
You were fought for.
You were prayed for.
You were never, ever given up on.