#ttc
I ache for you
in the quiet moments no one sees,
in the silence beside me,
in the empty spaces
where you should be.
You are a love
I’ve never held, yet cannot let go
a dream I rebuild again and again,
a name I whisper to the dark,
a promise my heart refuses to give up.
Every month I meet you
in hope, in longing, in fragile belief
and every month I lose you
to a silence that feels like grief,
caught between hope and heartache.
My body feels like a question
I don’t know how to answer,
a home that hasn’t held you yet,
though it was always meant to
yet somehow, cannot.
Still… I pray for you.
Though I don’t know where you are
in the dark, in the quiet, in the in-between
I wonder if somehow you hear me,
if somehow you already know me.
I imagine you
in the life I keep reaching for,
in lullabies left unsung,
in dreams that break
before morning comes.
I long for
the weight of you in my arms,
your cheek resting on my chest,
your soft breath against my skin
a moment I may never live.
This tender love with nowhere to go,
this mother with no child to hold,
this forever missing piece of my soul.
And even now,
after a decade has come and gone,
through every tear,
through every year,
through every why,
I hold on.
Because somewhere inside me,
hope still breathes your name
and tells me to wait patiently.
And if, by chance, one day
you find your way into the world
through miracle,
through timing,
through grace.
you will never have to wonder why.
You were fought for.
You were prayed for.
You were never, ever given up on.
Apr 13
Apr 13, 2026 at 10:45 AM UTC
I lost my fourth crow just the other day
It landed here with me but it flew away
I watched it fly south with the rest of my dreams
Then the other two left, leaving one with me
One crow for sorrow, is that what they say?
That one crow flies over my head every day
They say that my fourth crow will come back home
But I really don't see it and I really don't know
'Cause I've been waiting for that fourth crow for as long as I can cope
Waiting on that fourth crow to bring me back my Hope
Waiting, hoping, crying, praying, asking for a way
For God to send my fourth crow to get me through today
The sky is full of clouds and my shoes are full of rain
And my eyes are full of water and my heart is full of pain
The rain is never-ending and the sky is always dark
But I never go in; the rain has left its mark
I lie on my back and watch the storm rage on
And I wish for the sun and for the clouds to be gone
They say that the sky will show a rainbow for me
But that's hard to believe when only clouds I see
'Cause I've been waiting for that rainbow for as long as I can cope
Waiting for the clouds to move and bring me back my Hope
Waiting, hoping, crying, praying, asking for the sun
For God to send a rainbow, for the darkness to be done
Every night I look up at the night sky to see
If maybe there's a star with a message for me
But my night sky is black, not a star in sight
Not a single point of reference or a single pin of light
Do the stars still exist when their lights don't show?
If I can't see them, can I really truly know?
They say that the stars are up there, shining bright
But I don't think that's true when I look at the night
'Cause I've been waiting for a star-filled night for as long as I can cope
Waiting for the light to shine and bring me back my Hope
Waiting, hoping, crying, praying, asking for a light
For God to let the stars shine down to get me through tonight
'Cause I've been waiting for a sign out there, to show me it's alright
For a fourth crow, a rainbow, or a cloudless, star-filled night
Waiting, hoping, crying, praying, asking for a way
For God to give me a reason to get me through today
Jan 26
Jan 26, 2026 at 4:23 PM UTC