sitting in the hell we call "school"
and my thoughts
start to drift.
I begin to ask myself:

what would your life be like if he hadn't been a part of it?

I break into a sweat.
my hands grow colder,
along with my heart.
I dread the thought.

what if you were never friends?

the thoughts grow worse.
I think about the habits I have,
the things I've picked up from him (and he from me)
over our 16 years together.

what if he died tomorrow?

I'd feel it.
surely I would.
there would be an undeniable ache,
right there in the center of my being.

what if he died and you didn't tell him I love you?

I'd die.
I'd end it all.
what reason would I have to live,
if I didn't have him?

the
      thoughts
                take
                      over.