oh darling I loved you
i truly did
i loved your hair
your smiles
your laugh
your voice
but something wasn't right
not you
not me
something I can't quite explain
the red lines never give me any answers
neither do my mascara tears
or the songs I listen to on repeat
and on some days I wonder how stupid I could be to let you go
and others I agree with my reasoning that I'm better off alone.
darling I hope you know this wasn't easy for me
that I never intended to hurt you like I did
I never meant to place slashes on your body
or give a gaping hole in your chest
or make tears fall in the place where we used to lay
hell for all I know I haven't caused any of these
and I'm just full of myself.
as usual.
I could ramble forever about this
but for some reason every time I see you I can't speak words
none can express how sorry I am
or the feelings that led me to say the things I did
and do the things I did.
I hope things can go back to the way they were.
but I know that's nearly impossible.
and I still love
your hair
your eyes
your smile
your laugh
and your voice
but in the different way
the way that friends do.
and I miss the concert in the spring
and how our friendship was then
and how much fun we used to have.
I know the warmth we once had
has been shattered.
and try as I may to pick the glinting pieces up and put them back together again
and hope as I may to see us in the completed reflection
as those two stupid girls who used to sing songs in the hallways
I only slice my fingers deeper and deeper on the edges
and stain them darker and darker as my fingers desperately try to mend the wounds I've created
and through the blood and shards
I manage to put a few together
but all I see
is myself
staring back at me
with empty makeup eyes.