Disappointed.
The only word ripping through my thoughts
Never Enough
Always reaching for someone else
Trying to change me
Trying to change my everything
and I comply.
but it is still not enough
Expectations grow as i change
Making happiness impossible...well their happiness
They are breaking me...emotionally, mentally
I whither away.
Hardly any of me shows through anymore
Careful no to let them see my weakness
For surely this is a fault as well...
Just another to add to the list of imperfections
I put on the mask
The smiling one that I know too well.
Of the pretty and happy girl in her perfect smiling world
Behind it I weep and sob
I am broken.
All truth i knew about myself is being crushed
Suspicion and mistrust enter their minds when I speak.
And I sit pouring over my thoughts
Attempting to make amends which just provide more ammunition for them.
But in the back of my soiled mind I know they are right not to trust.
I am poison
A toxic mind and deceitful soul
the good that was there, at one time, is gone.
Or perhaps out of view? or Reach?
It must be there
I pray that it is.
If not, I may as well be gone...
yes. Perhaps that will be better