I remember the first time someone saw you push me.
She had turned to me , shocked ;
appalled at what she just witnessed... appalled I let it happen.

I remember the first time
you screamed at me,
your breath horrid , so close to my face..
reeking of beer and *****.

I remember the night your dad watched you
hold me against a wall,
not moving, not stopping,
not preventing. I pleaded, crying... He just pretended it wasn't his buisness .

I remember the night you threw me in the car
screaming over the bridge,
telling me you didn't care, my
eyes squeezed shut , 90 miles an hour.

I remember your hand around my throat,
that look you had. There was no one behind your eyes,
you were empty. A monster.

I remember the light switch.
The person I loved..to the demon I hated.
Your voice changed,  it was like I could you see falling into that blackness.

...I remember packing my things and being stronger then I thought..
I remember you screaming how much I would regret it.
I remember you begging for chances...I was tired.

I remember needing to love myself , more then I loved you .