i don’t know when it started.
maybe last week.
maybe yesterday.
maybe five minutes ago.

i still smile.
i still say “i’m fine.”
i still text back,
but i don’t want to explain.
i don’t know how.

i think i’m tired
of trying to sound like a person.

his name still lights up my phone.
but i still feel sad,
or maybe too much,
or maybe just wrong.

i’ve gone blurry.
and everything hurts
in a strange, quiet way
i can’t really name.

i miss feeling real.
i miss wanting to talk.
i miss the part of me
that didn’t feel so far away.

and i don’t want to ruin anything.
but everything already feels ruined.
and i don’t know what to do with that.