they say that enlightenment is unreachable, unattainable,
unfathomable
yet each day we continue to search
for our beatitude.
the bodhisattva
and i'm not very good at many things,
maybe nothing at all
but i know i can never transcend
with an anchor as a body.
still, the demons swim through my mind
and i watch with enjoyment
as they depredate my soul.
i like their cold breath on my skin,
in the winter,
for i can feel something
other than the numb that has encased my body. daily, i feel rough fingers ripping at the stones
that have replaced my heart.
nightly, i weep a sweet harmony of melancholy for the nostalgia that haunts my bones.
if you take me apart,
piece by rotting piece,
you'll learn i'm nothing but matter
controlled by neural impulse.
maybe it's benign to feel nothing at all
but this darkness is never ceasing,
growing more rapidly as i begin to shrink.
maybe i'm not good at anything
and maybe god doesn't exist
but i want to die knowing
there is a heaven and that i'm not going to hell. more often than late i've been asking myself
if it's all worth it
and to that i say
i'm terrified of the grim reaper
because his face looks just like mine.