I am going to be writing something important to me soon.
It won't follow my regular patterns, it will be as I wrote at the start.
I just realized that I need to vent out a little more than my thoughts on a page will let me.
I need to open my heart in words.
I have been letting my head do all of the talking, and I just can't do that anymore.
Pent up frustration in my chest is threatening to break.
I need to let it out physically too, my dad is getting me a pull-up bar, and I am being more active.
I want to stop thinking about this, but I suppose it is just a burden in my head.
I sleep hugging a blanket so I feel a little less alone.
I never really get physical contact with anyone, so it is warm, and I feel like it helps me sleep.
I sing songs to myself when I lay down so I don't feel sad.
I think about her, and how nothing will come of it at this point.
My heart is heavier than it should be, and I need to make words to lift that weight.
I need to tell you all how I feel to get by, and telling you my thoughts daily isn't enough anymore.
I need to break my shell, I need to ask for some company every once in a while, but it is hard.
I feel outgoing and energetic at home until I think about what I still need to accomplish.
Life is never easy for anyone lest they are born to it, and even then it gets difficult.
I don't know, I am just cold, angry, scared, and tired.
I know I am also alone, but that fact has been drilled into your heads at this point.
I just need some time to write out what my heart says, no more words from my head.