the lovely
sitting alone
in the wondrous basement
with occasional flooding
wrists burning
heart brimming with sadness
yet you tell me I'm magical
and that you're grateful for me

I wish you knew the real me
because I am lost
and I am not enjoying the maze
I cry about stupid things
I flinch away from touch
because the only contact I know is violent
I try to fix others
but cannot fix myself
I lie
and pretend
to be more then I am

you say I know the secrets of the universe
but in reality I know nothing
I know only how to say words
and string them together to make something pretty
something that feels like a hug
from 26 days away
but in truth
they are nothing but words.

I am not marvelous
nor magnificent
and I am not all I pretend to be
I am less
I am lost
and you are lovely