I peeked around the corner
to see if the bartender
was there and we made
eye contact so I
blurted out,
I’ll have another.

I probably shouldn’t
have another
because it’s 6:30 pm
on a Tuesday
that went completely
wrong.

Now I have to decide
if being completely
alone
is better than
being “in love”
with someone who
doesn’t see me
in their future.

I keep thinking that
maybe I can change
my mindset.
Be okay with a weekend
boyfriend,
just a guy that I care
about but not that much.
But I keep proving
to myself that
I can’t change.

I want someone
who wants me there.