The I.R.S. demanded my *****-enhancement story or else! Okay, okay. I was orphaned at 4 when I was young, living on cottage cheese in a city far away. My mother was dead, dead tired. My daddy was a gifted homosexual who hated men. One day, when I was 27, dad went to work at the Colgate factory and never came back. 2 hours later my favorite tooth fell out and I swallowed it. It was pretty good, but I didn't have enough teeth to last for more than a week at 13 meals per tooth. Anyhow, dad came home and mom was so happy that she kissed him on the porch instead of the lips. That porch still stands with kiss-marks all over it. Someone told me that I needed ***** surgery to make me more beautiful than I already was so I hopped a train for ***** City where all the good ***** surgeons are. Shortly thereafter my favorite high school gym teacher was eaten by cannibal Pygmies, and I cried for 3 months.