i wish sadness didn’t feel
like something i had to hide.
that it could just be
without alarms going off.
without threats of white walls
and blank stares.

i wish the boy i love could hold my hurt
without thinking it’s about him.
i wish being broken
didn’t break everyone else.

i wish i was thirteen.
when my best friend lived next door
and the girl down the street still liked me
and the world hadn’t begun
falling out from under my feet.

i wish jazz felt like freedom,
not failure.
i wish i still stood out,
instead of drowning
in the effort it takes
just to stay average.

i wish my world
didn’t end
every
single
day.