There’s a man in the other room dead
My girlfriend called me here
What am I supposed to do?
I’m a private eye
And her private guy
Now I’m just a schmuck at a crime scene
Oh honey, what did you do?
I can only help so much
And this, it ain’t cool

Lieutenant Sanchez has just arrived
“Yeah, I know Tony, this is a weird one”
As Sally just cries
She says Magruder was an intruder
With a knife and fiery eyes
A jilted ex bf
Wearing a disguise

Sanchez just snorts
Then makes this aside
“Jake, this ain’t Chinatown,
You must realize.”
He claps me the back
Me, I just sigh

It’s another day in the life
Of this private eye