i can’t decide if it’s weird
to write these still,
knowing that you could read them.
only if you wanted to.
i can’t decide.

but i’ll write anyway,
because if i can’t talk to you,
i might as well write.
we talk a little bit,
but i can’t decide if it’s nice
or if it hurts.

but we’ll talk anyway.
a little bit i guess.
i don’t know.
today is just
a day of indecision.
isn’t that my whole problem?

the first time,
i couldn’t decide if
i should follow my heart,
or listen to my family.
i chose my family.
i regret it every day.

the second time,
i couldn’t decided what i wanted.
did i want you?
or just your friendship?
i was confused.
but i’m not anymore.

the third time,
i couldn’t make the decision.
i couldn’t do what had to be done
so that we could be us.
together.
i’m ******* stupid.
and now it’s too late.