today, the urge
was louder than usual.
it followed me
through every number,
clung to my pencil
as i finished my math test
with shaking hands.

in jazz band,
it buzzed under the keys,
twisting under every note
like it belonged there.

i saw blood in places
it didn’t belong.
on the paper,
on my lap,
on the floor of my mind.

but i didn’t let it out.
not today.
not this time.