THE DAY I NEARLY DIED FROM A MONKEY-BITE - I was petting my monkey lovingly like I always do when a hurricane hit suddenly. Wisely, I pushed him away but not quickly enough. Out of total simian fear he bit me on the ankle so I killed him and sold his carcass to local monkey butchers.

ONE DAY it became obvious (even apparent) to me that I MUST hypnotize my **** neighbor to make her into my obedient love-slave. Hey neighbor! Hey! Come here and see my new hypnotizing kit from Kmart. Kmart? Didn't they go belly up? Yeah, but I got it just before they did. Oh. Now, look deeply into my eyes. Hey, wait a minute! Are you going to make me your love-slave through hypnosis? Yes. Okay.