As I gather the courage to feel my grief
To sit with it as I cry
I ask myself tirelessly
Will it always be like this
To feel as though I am constantly on the brink of tears
It's not every day now
It comes and goes
But fu€k this *****
I wanna bottle it in
But the latter would lead to more chaos
Unconsciously
And I refuse to suffer from repressed emotions that I chose to repress
I refuse to pass along the unprocessed pain of generations worth of trauma onto others
I will feel it ******
I'm just tired