I trespass again, into that sanctum that harbors everything we are
Yet we can’t know what we are
So the rooms and hallways are only a softly lit maze
Where tender and dreams and resolve and fear and breaths and sleep and pain
All rest in undefined spaces

I sit under a large tree, not knowing the species
The park is quiet and the bench is cold
A girl passes, strangely intent on her direction
As if she is pushing forward as much as she is push something away behind her
Her lips, a bright shade of red
The way it reflects in her face
Suggests
She is always wearing that shade of lipstick
She has always had bright red lips
And what corridor led her to that constitution
Where does she keep herself
Do her rooms look anything like mine
And how could we ever know

On the phone last night L sounded lonely
It was in the way she let her guard down between words
Whether either or both of us wanted it to be over
I knew we no longer knew
We speak too often
And fourteen years has its own constitution
Its own balance sheet and its own life
There is a room where the two of us will always exist
Just as there is one for my father
And my mother
And that beggar child in Guatemala
So many rooms

I laid my phone on my chest after we finished talking
And felt its weight hold down my breath
I wanted to sink into the earth
And disappear into the strata below
Wishing I could crawl into spaces that exist in between
A part of life I cannot live


The girl with the red lips comes walking back
Her pace is exactly the same
Is she looking for that room that harbors her relief
Her freedom, her future
I am relieved that she has not noticed me
“We” do not exist
Nothing of us has been exchanged
She is only a part of a poem
A canvas that I can sketch out a view of a landscape
That we crawl over
Day after day
So many rooms