I am proud of the woman you are right now in this moment of your life. Your light, your shadow, the contradictions you so boldly engage in introspective dialogue. The way youre figuring out your moral compass. I love the way you laugh before you cry. I love that you allow yourself to feel in such colorful saturation of each emotion. I’m not sure how to do that. To be able to stay with your emotions in an authentic and non-destructive way. I admire that you are doing the tough and lonely inner work that I feel I do not have the courage nor bravery to do myself. I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and continue to hurt you. I’m sorry I’ve shown you what it’s like to cry the most painful of tears. I’m sorry I do not know any language other than shame and abuse. I’m sorry that you are healing the parts of myself that I never got to grieve which I then gave you genetically. You are so strong, diana. Never forget that, even when I scream at you that you are weak as you cry before me begging me to stop talking. I admire your ability to be defiant in your NOs and the way you push back against oppressive systems that are embedded in others and myself. I’m sorry that you cry alone in your room and find more safety in there than in my arms. These hands do not know how to hold your pain and to offer gentle comfort. Please forgive me. I’m trying.

-Love Mom, a messy and beautiful and complicated human being who has experienced horrendous abuse by those who were also messy and beautiful and complicated human beings