The winter was lip-cracking cold and ***-******* bold when our pet bear stirred from hibernation like a canal **** made into a hat for Daniel Boone. I loved my girlfriend way back then because she had a police bike and a twin sister who looked identical to her. I knew an amputee who lost his leg because a train ran over it. He was a nice guy who inexplicably walked with a limp. "What happened to you? Did you get run over by a train or something?" I asked in a funny way that made him so angry that he ordered his wife to double my sister Lori's piano lesson price. *****!