i was short the cash needed
for next semesters tuition

i was outta options
so i swallowed my pride
and called my father

i had’nt seen him
for a least eight years
i was busy nursing
sweet regrets
extending a prolonged
illness of resent

Halloween 1977
i borrowed my
girlfriends VW
and drove down
to Union to reunite
with Dad

his secretary
ushered me
into his C Level
office and I was
struck by
the angelic
portrait of
my half sister
adorning the
space above
his head

we shook hands
and i sat on a
chair in front of
his desk. it was
an awkward
moment of
small talk, relieved
by the passing
of a $400 check
into my just
stewardship

my father suggested
we head to lunch
where we would break
bread together for
the first time in years

it would also present
opportunities to
swallow the misgiven
years with draughts
of gin and tonics

by this time my
father was a
professional drinking
champion, quaffing
down the ***** to
drown his own
considerable
misgivings

as a young
virile turk
meeting with
his father for
the first time
in years, i was
determined
to match his skill
mano a mano

it was a foolhardy
endeavor but my
intrepidness was
unfazed as i matched
round for round
proclaiming my
arrival into
manhood

leaving the restaurant
my father suggested
we resume our drinking
at a local dive

there the velocity
of rounds accelerated
the drinking spinning
faster than the
emotions swimming
around my head

but I was determined
to prove my manhood
standing toe to toe
with my lost father
proving i was his
equal in the
endeavors
of men

don’t remember how many
rounds we downed but
it was a considerable
amount of ***** consumed

next we headed
to his friends
pizza parlor
where he could
present his long
lost son

we spoke of
my wonderful
girlfriend, and
my father suggested
i go get her so we
could all meet

he flipped me the keys
to his company car
a brand new
Ford LTD Wagon

man I was riding high
styling, livin life large
rolling up the GSP
headin to Montvale
to fetch my princess
in a royal carriage

when i got to
her house my
girlfriend and her
mother expressed
concerns about
my condition

i suavely made
the case that i was ok
to make the 40
mile trek to meet
back up with
my father

it was after all a
special occasion
an opportunity
to present my girl
to my newly
found dad

so off we went
back to Union
the drive was going
well best as i can
remember; though my
girlfriend was uneasy
as i swerved down
the parkway

in East Orange
the traffic got heavy
we were in the flow
following a station
wagon filled with
kids

my eyelids were
getting heavy
and I clipped
the railroad tie
median barrier
with the cars rear end

the wagon went into a
wobbling swerve
i fought to control
but could not

i remember my
last words
in my head
“Jesus save us”
and fell onto
the lap of my girl

the crash, the spin
the resounding din
thundered into
my last bit of
consciousness
like a tragic
Stravinsky lullaby
screaming me
to sleep

my aching head
blinked awake in
a dim lit hospital
in the wee hours of
All Saints Day

unsure where
I was but realizing
why i was there
I ardently questioned
a dismissive nurse
if any children
were hurt
and where my
girlfriend had gone

she adamantly
refused to answer
my urgent fear filled
questions; stating I had
been asking these
same questions all night

thinking about
the children
playing in the back
of the car
and my missing
girlfriend filled
me with a
shocking
dread, a
trembling
terror of what
my drinking
hath wrought

Halloween 1977
was a night filled
with frightening
realizations of
unresolved
unanswered
questions

it would be
another three
decades before
i commenced
a search to
answer these
frightening
questions
in earnest

Happy Halloween

Pat Metheny Group:
Are You Going With Me?

Oakland
10/31/13
jbm