I’m closing my eyes tightly squeezing my eyes shut
and looking for myself
Somewhere in this darkness as the color behind my eyelids changes from blue to purple to black.
I will find the girl I was before you changed me into the woman I am today.
Do you think I’m asleep?

I live my life in the night behind my eyelids.
My world exists here, I exist here, you do not.

My friends are here, friends who know nothing about you.
I feel safe here.
I have security.
I travel...I write.

My house is open.
It’s sunny and airy and inviting and calm
And it’s all the things I want to be, and all that you were not.
And it’s mine, not yours.
My time is mine, not yours.
My thoughts are mine, not yours.
My days and nights are mine, not yours.

Behind my eyelids my world is amazingly beautiful
And you are never invited there